When I read Nicole’s 30 Before 30, I started thinking about what a list of my own might look like, so I drafted a post and have been updating it over the weeks as things occurred to me.

I turn 32 on July 17, so here is a list of things I’d like to accomplish before then. I went into this deciding that fewer than half of these could involve spending any money whatsoever, and keeping to that was surprisingly difficult!

I’ll repost the list every month between now and then with items removed once I accomplish them.

Original list:

1. Get married
2. Plan wedding parties
3. Finish wedding website
4. Visit parents
5. Build vegetable boxes
6. Re-pot and fertilize indoor plants
7. Plant herbs
8. Plant flowers
9. Get patio set so that we can eat dinner outside on nice nights
10. Build sandbox for Milo and pals
11. Go down a dress size
12. Do yoga at least three times a week
13. Sign up for charity work
14. Donate dead car to charity
15. Make five year career goals with micro-goals to work on now
16. Don’t say anything negative about anyone for at least one full week: friend, family, acquaintance, celebrity, no one. Then try to increase that to a month.
17. Go to the hot baths with the ladies
18. Take Milo to the coast for the day
19. Have a family picnic at the Arboretum before magnolia season is over
20. Go on hikes at least twice a month before it gets too hot
21. Bake for friends
22. Host a dinner party
23. Try a vegetable, plant, or spice I’ve never tried before
24. Perfect a Thai drunken noodle recipe
25. Cook Matthew a meal of all his favorite foods
26. Paint the kitchen nook
27. Touch up the border of our bedroom
28. Paint and assemble our headboard
29. Sew bedroom curtains
30. Figure out clothing storage solution that will work
31. Put up up blackout blinds in Milo’s bedroom for naps
32. Edit and upload a few of our videos that are sitting on the hard drive

So far, I’ve accomplished:

1. Get married

exchanging vows

Yup!

2. Plan wedding parties
3. Finish wedding website
6. Re-pot and fertilize indoor plants
7. Plant herbs

Let me know if you’ve made similar lists!

I don’t handle transition well. I have friends and loved ones who really flourish in times of transition, whose capability to roll with the punches is honestly nothing short of extraordinary and who seem to have endless patience for adjusting variables.

I want to be that person, but transition and uncertainty make me physically ill. I like to know where I’m headed. I don’t even like to go on walks unless I have a destination in mind. I’d love to be the person who can just happily wander around my neighborhood or fly by the seat of my pants, but I’m so not. I’m trying to make peace with that.

Luckily for me, my life is starting to have a definite routine again. I began nannying on Monday and so far, it’s going even better than I had hoped for. I realized that all of things that I hated about my previous daycare jobs is nonexistent in this situation. I worked for several daycares where I was overworked, underpaid, utterly unappreciated—by my boss, that is, my kids always loved me and attacked me with affection, which is the best perk!

Worst of all, there were multiple times where a child with a behavioral problem was compromising the happiness of the rest of my kids, and I was powerless to do anything about it. When I was at the Montessori school, the director of the school didn’t want to have to deal with the parents at all, so she made it my responsibility to talk to the parents of problem children. I was 21 and there I was, having to tell a crying mother that other parents were threatening to pull their children out of the school unless her child could behave. I was having to tell her that while 14 other toddlers swarmed around me, tugging on me for attention. It was a nightmare.

Being a nanny, on the other hand, has been truly awesome. I am keeping the group small, and since all of the kids are only with me part-time, there is a nice rotation and variety and there are still some chunks of time where it’s just me and Milo. Matthew is currently in the application process for a few apprenticeships, so I’m really glad to have an extra hand when I need one, but the kids are sweet and easygoing, and when I wake up in the morning, there is no sense of dread. It’s funny how I didn’t really notice the dread until it was gone. How long had I been waking up, hating the idea of having to lock myself away at some point to get work done? I don’t even know. Possibly it had always been that way and I just didn’t notice, because I thought that was the default, it was what everyone felt on a weekday.

Anyway, here is what you came for, pictures of cute kids:

Jack, Milo, and Cal having a snack

Holy crap, so much cuteness!

I’m thinking about starting a happy hour for nannies and caregivers in Portland. It will be a monthly opportunity to get together, compare notes, talk about experiences. I definitely do not want it to be a bitch-fest. If you know someone who might be interested, send ‘em my way.