Lately, Milo has been having trouble with groups: as soon as we enter a room with more than two adults, he freezes—no matter how well he knows them. He stands stock still, avoids eye contact, and refuses to acknowledge their existence. The more attention that they pay to him, the worse it gets, but he isn’t doing it to get attention, in fact, it’s the attention that is freaking him out, not the size of the crowd. When we are at a public place, like the farmers market or grocery store, he’s perfectly content and natural and chatting with me nonstop. That is, until a stranger talks to him, and then he freezes.
I know it’s a phase, but it’s a phase that is troublesome to me because his father has crippling social anxiety, which makes us both hyperaware of all signs of social anxiety in Milo.
So I bought him a little bear.
I got this little rubber panda bear for $.50 at a toy store in Nob Hill when I was shopping with Lauren. When I came home, I told Milo that it was his Brave Bear, and that he should keep it in his pocket and whenever he was scared, he could take out the bear and the bear would help him to be brave. I don’t know if this was the best approach, or if it will work at all, and I’m thinking I should probably go back to the toy store and get a dozen or so of these as backup, but Milo is really into the idea so far.
I might be biased, but I think that my dude is pretty awesome, and I just want other people to have the chance to get to know him. When I was his age, I was starting conversations with strangers in the grocery store. Come to think of it, I am still doing that. I don’t expect (or want) for him to be his loudmouth mother, because that came with its own set of problems, but if he evolves into a taciturn person, I hope that it’s not because he’s too afraid to be himself.
Let’s cross our fingers for Brave Bear.
I love the Brave Bear idea, but if this continues, please consider having him tested for Autism Spectrum Disorder. I’m NOT saying he’s autistic, but those are some warning signs you do not want to ignore.
you are such an amazing mama! <3s to milo the brave bear.
Brave Bear is a great idea! Reno is painfully shy at times, she’s not as bad as I was as a child thank goodness and is showing signs of improvement.
I might steal the brave bear idea especially for when she starts preschool this fall. I also think it’s a good idea to stock up on extras. Kids lose things like that all the time.
I also have social anxiety and although I don’t have kids yet, I do worry that one or more of my children could end up with it.
Mine was also crippling, so it definitely makes me concerned at times.
I did have a young Nephew that had it in childhood, but then he grew out of it.
I wanted to also share a good place to get help (for adults, like your husband), “Social Anxiety Anonymous” has free support groups available everywhere and they don’t cost anything (if he is super socially anxious, they also have telephone support groups where he would not have to talk– he could learn a lot just by listening). The organization comes up on any search for “Social Anxiety Anonymous”.
Best, Cynthia
That is a great idea!!! And I am positive that it’s a phase that will quickly pass and be replaced with another quirky kid thing to keep you on your toes….don’t stress!!
Those pictures are amazing! Best of luck with the Brave Bear- everyone should get the chance to know Milo.
What a cute/great idea. :-)
You were NOT ever a loudmouth! People were charmed by your friendliness. You’re approaching this just right with Milo, Honey. Milo’s shy, but when that smile appears, it’s like the sun coming out from the clouds – heaven!